More Wedding Talk…

I had wanted to write a couple of blog posts during my lunch, but for some reason I can’t access my account at work. I can access Facebook, but not my blog. How much sense does that make??

Anyway, I decided to go take a look at a cross stitch board that I used to frequent. I like to see if there are any new patterns or any updates on COLE’s Quilts. There are a lot of off-topic posts, though, and once in a while I will open one just to see what people are saying. I usually discover that I’m in the minority when it comes to a lot of the off-topic stuff. I don’t care for a lot of fiction, so I can’t go on and on about certain new novels. I don’t watch a lot of TV so I can’t join in on the latest post regarding the current hot show. Then there are the husband-bashing threads that make me sick to read. I just want to ask these women, “If your husbands are so stupid and horrible, why did you marry them??”

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The topic that made me roll my eyes and leave the website today was the discussion on what color of dress the Mother of the Bride and the Mother of the Groom should wear. Since I just got married I thought that I would read to see what the ‘rules’ are for this process. You would not believe the strong stances that these women are taking on how you pick the color of dress to be worn! Apparently you can’t choose this color because it will clash and the Mother of the Groom has to wait for the Mother of the Bride to choose her dress first, etc. Maybe I’m completely off base, but to me this is a silly conversation! Who cares what they wear?? Who cares if they clash with the bridesmaids dresses? Unless your sister, or sister-in-law, is in the wedding then what does it matter? They won’t be in the same pictures as the bridesmaids anyway!

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I’ve been told that I was a laid-back and completely nonchalant bride. I was told this many times. My mother-in-law asked me what color of dress she should pick, and what style, etc. I was puzzled. What does it matter what I say? I wasn’t about to tell her what she was to wear because honestly I didn’t care. I told her the truth, “I don’t care what you wear. You can pick any style or color that you want. The only thing that I want you to make sure of is that when you’re wearing the dress you love it and feel gorgeous in it.” I know that her favorite color is purple so I told her that she could wear that if she wanted. I think that she actually tried to find something else, but she kept coming back to a purple dress. Luckily she bought it, managed to get a good deal on it, and she looked beautiful in it!

My mom didn’t ask me what color to wear because I think that she would have chosen whatever she wanted anyway, which is perfectly fine with me. She ended up finding a really pretty blue dress that matched the blue in my dress. Did I get upset that she was trying to steal my spotlight by wearing a dress that was similar in color to mine? Nope. She managed to get a really good deal on it, plus she looked gorgeous in it. My bridesmaids wore black because I wanted them to get dresses that they could wear again, and every woman needs a black dress in her closet. My mom bought them matching shawls and made their earrings. Then we all wore our string of pearls and bracelets. I think that my wedding party looked really good.

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The guys didn’t have to rent tuxes, either. I knew that neither my dad nor Jay would be comfortable in a tux so why put them through that? Every guy should own a black suit to have in his closet, so I told the guys (fathers and groomsmen) to wear black suits with white shirts. Then as their gift for being in the wedding party Jay and I bought matching ties for him and his guys. We also bought a dark blue tie for my dad (he wanted to wear something that went along with the rest of the guys), but it had a different pattern to it so that it wasn’t exactly like the guys’. Also, the dark blue went with my mom’s dress. Karen, Jay’s mom, was talking with me about her husband’s suit and she didn’t know what he was going to wear for a tie. I mentioned how I had bought my dad one to match my mom’s dress, so she bought her husband a dark purple one to match hers. It really worked out well!

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It’s insane how much some women stress out about the wedding and reception. They spend more time worrying about the color palette than they do about the actual marriage. Jay and I had to go to Pre-Cana in order to be married in the Catholic church. There were probably a dozen couples in total, with us being the couple getting married the soonest. At this point in time I had no idea what I was going to do for favors, for centerpieces, or even what I was going to do for the cake topper. I hadn’t yet ordered table cloths or really talked much with the DJ. I didn’t talk a lot of details with the women, but I’m sure that they had a MUCH better idea what they were going to do at their receptions and ceremonies than I did. And they were much more stressed about it. In fact, I was a bit appalled because Jay and I were the only couple in the room who looked like they even loved each other. The other couples looked like they didn’t even want to be there with their partner. Jay and I had moved our chairs so that we could sit close together, we held hands, and I rubbed his back a lot. As we listened to the presenters we were amazed at how many important topics these other couples hadn’t discussed. Brides freak out and stress out over the bridesmaids dresses and the fact that she can’t find the perfect shade of pink to correctly coordinate with the flowers that she is having flown in specially from across the country for her special day. Yet, once the wedding is over and she is now living with her husband in every day life, she has no idea how to make a budget or how to have a constructive conversation with her husband over the fact that he feels she should cook every night and she can’t fry an egg to save her life. Where are our priorities??

This is why I get upset. Jay and I essentially planned our wedding in two months. We were in the process of buying a house so we knew that we couldn’t spend a lot on a wedding (not that we would have wanted to even if we could). Thanks to the help that our parents gave to us, both monetary and physical, we were able to pull off what I believe was a beautiful and perfect-for-us wedding. One of Jay’s cousins is getting married this spring and we were told that she was worried about how she was going to be able to top our wedding. The kicker? Her budget is probably ten times the total dollar amount that we spent on ours. I’m sure that her wedding will be gorgeous, but that’s what is perfect for her and her fiance. Jay and I are simple people. Maybe that’s the difference. The finery and trappings really don’t concern us much. If we know that we have a solid structure to build upon then we are good and will be happy with it.

So, maybe Jay’s mom chose her dress before my mom had one… and maybe I didn’t care what anybody wore because that didn’t matter to me… and maybe I didn’t stress about the fact that I didn’t order my bouquet from a floral shop and instead I bought the flowers at Wal-Mart and assembled it myself… guess what? I don’t care. I have a great marriage with a wonderful man whom I love very much, and who I know loves me. That right there is what matters the most.

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